READ THIS: RED FLAGS OR RED HERRINGS? Predicting Who Your Child Will Become By Susan Engel
Red Flags or Red Herrings Predicting Who Your Child Will Become explores some of parents' greatest fears. Will my child be successful, intelligent, compassionate? As parents, we often see behaviors that appear to be red flags, raising all kinds of anxieties. My child clocked another kid on the playground last week. Will he grow up to be prone to violence? Others may even fill us with hope. My niece comforted an injured friend at school today. Is she destined for a life of compassion? While there are certainly some behaviors that we hope will stick and others we pray will not, Susan Engel, a developmental psychologist in the Department of Psychology at Williams College, walks the reader through what research into child development tells us about the greatest indicators of our children's futures. The good news is that often the episodes of deplorable conduct that result in such hand-wringing are, in fact, red herrings rather than red flags. Of course the bad news is that an incident of kindness may have just as little bearing on future behavior, as well. Rather than attempting to settle the whole nature v/s nurture conflict, Engel instead shares the research behind both way of thinking. Genetics account for a great deal more than I would have expected, but environment is also important. It is a tricky balancing act to determine which accounts for more. Engel points out that Bernie Madoff's mother, Sylvia, had her own run-in with the Securities and Exchange Commission in 1963, resulting in the willful withdrawal of her registration (before it could be revoked, of course.) Though the case could be made that Madoff was genetically predisposed to swindle, what about the environmental effect of being raised by a crook? I'm still just as confused as I was before reading the book, but now I am at least more informed about the research behind both sides of the argument. Bottom line, some of the characteristics my children develop will not be a result of my parenting mistakes. I guess I can't be held responsible for the genetic code I passed onto them.
"Red Flags or Red Herrings? Predicting Who Your Child Will Become" is a great read for any parent. I knew that becoming a parent would change my life forever, but it is impossible to grasp how profound a change it will be until it actually happens. I never knew it was possible to worry so much, but from the moment I found out we were expecting, the worrying began. That's not to say that other emotions such as sheer joy, excitement and most of all, love weren't present, but oh the worrying...This book, written by Susan Engel, helps to relieve some of that worrying. A mother of three sons, an educator and a developmental psychologist, Engel shares personal stories and professional research which offer reassurance and guidance to parents. She addresses common concerns for parents: Is my child smart? Will my child make friends? Will my child be successful in life? And more. The scientific research presented in this book is fascinating, at times helping to relieve worries and at times giving food for thought! I really enjoyed reading this book! Susan Engel clearly is an expert in her field and this book is a must have for any parent. Engel says, "You cannot dictate who your children will become, but you can get a pretty good sense of who they are and where they are headed by noticing what they do, say and feel." Being a parent is one of the most (if not, the most) important jobs in the world and these words of wisdom should stay close in our hearts and in our minds.
This book was interesting. It fits in perfectly with what the current trends are in parenting. I thought the book was easy to read and the small stories throughout worked well as examples. Red Flags or Red Herrings although marketed to both parents and teachers is much more geared towards parents. I think parents would find this very insightful and even helpful. The book isn't preachy or condescending as many parenting books often are. While it doesn't really offer answers, this book would be helpful to any parent just interested in learning more about how to help their children be successful.
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In today’s complex world, parents are bombarded with information about the latest societal ills plaguing children and teens, making it feel more difficult than ever to raise happy, well-adjusted kids. Parenting has become increasingly pressure-filled and competitive, with mothers and fathers fretting as they search in earnest for the secret to help their children grow into successful individuals. But Susan Engel, a developmental psychologist and New York Times op-ed contributor, feels it is high time parents be liberated from all the worry about their child’s development as she urges most parents to relax, observe and listen.
“You cannot dictate who your children will become, but you can get a pretty good sense of who they are and where they are headed by noticing what they do, say and feel,” Engel notes. “You begin to see the story unfolding before your eyes, and like all good stories, your child’s story contains some red herrings—things that might alarm you but don’t mean much. There aren’t as many red flags in most children’s stories as you might think, and it’s rare than any one thing a child does is a warning sign. More often, problems reveal themselves as a thread within the story, a thread that becomes visible over time. And when there are problems, there are gentle ways to help.”
In the groundbreaking new book, RED FLAGS OR RED HERRINGS? Predicting Who Your Children Will Become (Atria; On-sale February 2011; ISBN: 978-1-4391-5011-5; $24.00) Susan Engel seamlessly combines her research in developmental psychology with insightful anecdotes that encourage parents to gain acceptance about their children while quelling paranoia. As an educator who has worked with students of all ages for nearly 20 years and as the mother of three sons, Engel helps parents and teachers differentiate between childhood behaviors and traits that are causes for concern and those that are not. Chock-full of clues that assist adults in navigating the roughest waters of their child’s development, RED FLAGS OR RED HERRINGS includes real narratives about real kids that serve as guides within chapters, exploring several psychological markers: happiness, intelligence, success, popularity, love and morality.
“In recent years, a dangerous myth has snuck into our collective consciousness: we think if we just do things well enough with our kids—use the right punishments, choose the right schools, encourage at just the right moments—we can make them all smart, successful, happy individuals,” Engel says. “This is not the case. There is no perfect parent, and there is no recipe for parenting. Development, just like relationships, is complicated and unruly. Every gardener know that you can put three plants in the same patch of the garden, feed them the same plant food, water them on the same schedule, and they’ll still come out differently. The same is true of children.”
Offering a refreshing and provocative perspective on what success in child development really means, RED FLAS OR RED HERRINGS is a must read for anyone who cares about children or works with them. With eye-opening stories and insightful suggestions, it serves as a reminder that adults should support children to be the best of who they are rather than who we may want them to be.
ABOUT THE AUTHOR
Susan Engel is a developmental psychologist in the Department of Psychology at Williams College and the founder and director of the Williams Program in Teaching. She has also taught education and developmental psychology at Smith College , Bennington College , Berkshire Community College and Simons Rock College
RED FLAGS OR RED HERRINGS? Predicting Who Your Child Will Become
By Susan Engel
Atria Books
On-sale: February 2011
ISBN: 978-1-4391-5011-5
$24.00/288 pp.
