Ecclestone Greenlights 2017 F1 Race at Lime Rock

In a surprise announcement, F1 major domo Bernie Ecclestone told reporters that he’s made a deal with Lime Rock Park owner Skip Barber to bring the Formula 1 circus to Connecticut’s 1.5-mile, 9-turn road course, starting in 2017. A date has not been set, and the F.I.A. World Council must still approve the expanded schedule, “But that’s simply a formality,” Ecclestone said.

“I met Skip in Monaco back in the mid-70s, when I was running Brabham and Max [Mosely] was trying to stick Skip into that crap-can March,” Ecclestone said. “When I heard from one of my many minions that America’s New England region didn’t have an F1 race, well, I was shocked. So I rang up Skip."

Ecclestone, who had gathered 241 racing reporters around his feet inside his quaint $650 million cabin in Askwith, Worchestershire-on-Gloucestershire-no-thanks-to-Shropshire, England, also revealed that Formula One Management will not charge Lime Rock Park the normal one-year rights fee of $21 billion. “Instead, Skip’s going to buy me dinner at Mizza’s Pizza – and he has to change the oil in one of my Range Rovers,” Ecclestone said.

On the other side of the Atlantic, Barber said, “As much as I would like an F1 race at Lime Rock, my handshake agreement with Bernie does not include an oil change. We’re still negotiating. I think rotating the Hankooks on his Wolseley 16/60 is sufficient, really.”

Because of this ground-breakingly different business case, Barber said he will set ticket prices accordingly.

“I’m thinking $12.50, plus the 10% Connecticut Amusement-Admission Tax, for a three-day pass,” Barber said.

Ecclestone was quoted further as saying, “I am also very excited to bring my 75-meter motorhome, Helga’s Revenge, to the infamous Lime Rock infield camping area for the Formula One race. I personally love the painfully passé ‘No Fear’ bumper stickers you see on the campers. I mean, literally, they’re stuck to their arses. As well, the plush pigs along the camping area’s roadsides really do make me feel at home. Well, at least one or two of them.”